I haven't wrote here since... eerr yeah lol.
Well I haven't been feeling gloomy lately :p And I love to write whenever I feel sad or depressed. When I rant it out it just glides away, and I feel much better later ^_^ Magic isn't it? I used to write it on paper in my journal but bah, I put a lot of pressure on my fingers so they always ache =_= Calligraphy is fun but, it kills my fingers! I just can't seem to control the pressure hehe.
Well now that my beloved hubby found a nice job (yay) he bought me many things (hehe I asked him to *shyshy*)
- He got my hamster's bedding (say thank you Hamuhamu!)
- He bought me new makeup (I just had to try out some new stuff, it's so hard not to!) For your information, Revlon's quad shadow is amaziiingg [color: steel impressions] Also, CoverGirl's pressed powder [forgot what kind it was... or rather I'm just too lazy to get up and take a look at it ^^]
- Um... clothes! A while ago, yeah hehe...
- Fooood!
Anyways he just treated me a lot ^_^ I feel like a cat haha, but I do take care of him a lot, sometimes it seems like if I do a better job compared to his mother (oh!).
I'm just happy now =) great! but NOT so great about the weather... It's freakin cold already here in vancouver WA. T_T Where's mah summah! I miss Montreal's fall, its not too cold and not too hot ^^
Love you honey <3
Friday, October 10, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Happy days dont last long do they.
Since the last time I posted here on blogspot, well you could say that nothing happened in my relationship so far, up til now I guess...
Had a fight... yeah that was like... I duno an hour ago, half an hour ago... it was something dumb perharps... but the main point was that he couln't understand me, and he thought it wasn't a big deal but it was a big deal for me actually... I guess he really don't get me? or mebbe he doesn't want to.... or mebbe he don't give a shit about it.
Usually at home when i feel sad i stay in my room, roll around on my bed, draw on my table... but now i dont have a place of my own. everything is like not mine even though its supposed to be mine, or shared with me in any way... i feel lonely, unwanted, uncared, alone. Since i am not at home, i left the house that was so called mine shared along with him and his zoo... I guess... I just left, that door i opened was so new to me, i never dared leave home to take a fresh air, but today i just did because theres nothing i wouldnt dare anymore. what do i have to lose? him, but the current him doesnt even bother come near me and he walks away now that i am home. But when i left he did chase me, but his rage overcame the me and there i walked down the path alone. i wander and wander wondered where i could go... i felt like a homeless, i am homeless? i have a home but its a home that doesnt welcome me? The door was left unlocked, suppose he did it for me so i could re-enter, but whats the point to that if he doesnt talk to me?
i gave him a chance, more like i tried to test him. i went in his room and stood near him, he stared at me for a few seconds and returned to his usual business. Youtubing i guess, well he could always go and play piano by himself and learn to do better but yeah he prefers watching others to gain more knowledge and be like them maybe? He just stood near me a second ago. I guess i have to LOL in my heart because he didn't have any reactions just now. Just looked. i fear that look, i don't get it.... i dont get what that look was supposed to be or was suppose to mean.
Just now he just talked to me. Laame...............................................................................................
hes bringing our convo nowhere, if we keep on talking we would prolly get another fight or something... i thought that his temper would be gone, i underestimated him... Sigh... hes saying that im blaming him. am i really blaming him...... am i? i never said that it was his fault, i just said that he didnt chase me and i walked alone by myself basically... why doesnt he come to me... i remember that... he always said that he always ran after me.......... after fights and all, then for a while i learned to be more coorperative and decided to run after him sometimes... well i can say its tireing, i know he feels tired so do i... this time i want him to run after me.
Is it cuz were not meant to be. is it... was it too early. perharps, he said it already once that he wasnt feeling ready for us... i was the one who ran after him on first place, he was confused and said yes... LOL? lol indeed... about our marriage, was it a LOL too? he wanted it at first place,, i guess feelings do change after all... maybe i do feel insecure, or i dont like staying being a bum at home doing nothing for now, and hes also at home doing nothing no job no nothing.
this is going nowhere right... nowhere i guess i just have to shut up and press PUBLISH POST.
Had a fight... yeah that was like... I duno an hour ago, half an hour ago... it was something dumb perharps... but the main point was that he couln't understand me, and he thought it wasn't a big deal but it was a big deal for me actually... I guess he really don't get me? or mebbe he doesn't want to.... or mebbe he don't give a shit about it.
Usually at home when i feel sad i stay in my room, roll around on my bed, draw on my table... but now i dont have a place of my own. everything is like not mine even though its supposed to be mine, or shared with me in any way... i feel lonely, unwanted, uncared, alone. Since i am not at home, i left the house that was so called mine shared along with him and his zoo... I guess... I just left, that door i opened was so new to me, i never dared leave home to take a fresh air, but today i just did because theres nothing i wouldnt dare anymore. what do i have to lose? him, but the current him doesnt even bother come near me and he walks away now that i am home. But when i left he did chase me, but his rage overcame the me and there i walked down the path alone. i wander and wander wondered where i could go... i felt like a homeless, i am homeless? i have a home but its a home that doesnt welcome me? The door was left unlocked, suppose he did it for me so i could re-enter, but whats the point to that if he doesnt talk to me?
i gave him a chance, more like i tried to test him. i went in his room and stood near him, he stared at me for a few seconds and returned to his usual business. Youtubing i guess, well he could always go and play piano by himself and learn to do better but yeah he prefers watching others to gain more knowledge and be like them maybe? He just stood near me a second ago. I guess i have to LOL in my heart because he didn't have any reactions just now. Just looked. i fear that look, i don't get it.... i dont get what that look was supposed to be or was suppose to mean.
Just now he just talked to me. Laame...............................................................................................
hes bringing our convo nowhere, if we keep on talking we would prolly get another fight or something... i thought that his temper would be gone, i underestimated him... Sigh... hes saying that im blaming him. am i really blaming him...... am i? i never said that it was his fault, i just said that he didnt chase me and i walked alone by myself basically... why doesnt he come to me... i remember that... he always said that he always ran after me.......... after fights and all, then for a while i learned to be more coorperative and decided to run after him sometimes... well i can say its tireing, i know he feels tired so do i... this time i want him to run after me.
Is it cuz were not meant to be. is it... was it too early. perharps, he said it already once that he wasnt feeling ready for us... i was the one who ran after him on first place, he was confused and said yes... LOL? lol indeed... about our marriage, was it a LOL too? he wanted it at first place,, i guess feelings do change after all... maybe i do feel insecure, or i dont like staying being a bum at home doing nothing for now, and hes also at home doing nothing no job no nothing.
this is going nowhere right... nowhere i guess i just have to shut up and press PUBLISH POST.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Sibling love :3
Heh, I really love my brother, despite the fact that he looks really nerdy XD haha but he's a great brother and I love him dearly.
He called us and talked to me for a bit. I really missed talking to him on the phone, but he's been so busy at work I rarely get the time to talk to him anymore. The times we passed before he moved to Calgary was better ^___^ I remember I would sit on his bed and talk to him about things that are bothering me... and I would ask him questions about homework, especially math heh. Time has changed, but I guess our love never changed :) He told me he might attend to my wedding (yay!) and that's good news for me because arriving to the States, I only have my mother attending the wedding (kinda sad in my opinion...) Sadly, my bro's co-worker got injured and he might not be able to get a lil vacation... Oh well. He can visit me anytime later ^__^ Gives him an excuse to travel to the West because I'm there ^^ We had tears in our eyes when he said he'll miss me and that he loves me (that's why he wants to attend my wedding!).
I also told him about how I felt about the "secret wedding" that we'll perform over there. He told me it doesn't matter how people think, as long as I'm happy (and Oscar too). That's true... I mean WE are the one that's going through the wedding, not you guys! So yeah, I should be happy that I'm getting married... ^^ If I lived in Montreal, I bet my parents wouldn't have let me get married this early in life. I'm only turning 20 XD
Ah, I already miss my brother since he's been already away for a few years, what I'll miss the most are my friends and parents. I'll miss my mom more because my relationship with my mum was always better than with my daddy... He's very quiet and we rarely get to talk to each other >__< I'll miss mom... friends... And I missed school lol.
At least this post wasn't as depressing as my previous one :o
He called us and talked to me for a bit. I really missed talking to him on the phone, but he's been so busy at work I rarely get the time to talk to him anymore. The times we passed before he moved to Calgary was better ^___^ I remember I would sit on his bed and talk to him about things that are bothering me... and I would ask him questions about homework, especially math heh. Time has changed, but I guess our love never changed :) He told me he might attend to my wedding (yay!) and that's good news for me because arriving to the States, I only have my mother attending the wedding (kinda sad in my opinion...) Sadly, my bro's co-worker got injured and he might not be able to get a lil vacation... Oh well. He can visit me anytime later ^__^ Gives him an excuse to travel to the West because I'm there ^^ We had tears in our eyes when he said he'll miss me and that he loves me (that's why he wants to attend my wedding!).
I also told him about how I felt about the "secret wedding" that we'll perform over there. He told me it doesn't matter how people think, as long as I'm happy (and Oscar too). That's true... I mean WE are the one that's going through the wedding, not you guys! So yeah, I should be happy that I'm getting married... ^^ If I lived in Montreal, I bet my parents wouldn't have let me get married this early in life. I'm only turning 20 XD
Ah, I already miss my brother since he's been already away for a few years, what I'll miss the most are my friends and parents. I'll miss my mom more because my relationship with my mum was always better than with my daddy... He's very quiet and we rarely get to talk to each other >__< I'll miss mom... friends... And I missed school lol.
At least this post wasn't as depressing as my previous one :o
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
~ In the Shell ~
I am going to move to the States on June 11 2008. Sounds far, but time passes really quickly. From the day I met him, my fiance, it felt like it was just a few weeks ago. But of course, feelings (more precisely, exciting feelings) fade and our relationship became like a normal couple's everyday relationship. It's pretty hard living away from each other. One in the East and the other in the West. Soon enough I'm going to marry him and we are going to live together finally. To this point, this post sounds kind of sad right? Not really, I am really really happy because I thought my whole dream wouldn't go well, but after all things went smoothly like water... But only one thing annoys me.
No, my fiance loves me, I do feel secure,... do I?
My family knows already that I am going to move to the States and get married over there. We are going to hold a farewell/congratulations party and apparently my mother is going to pay. I do feel bad, since it's my wedding I should be the one paying along with my fiance, but sadly I don't have that much money to spend. But it's our last dinner, should I pay then? The total should be around a few hundreds of dollars... Anyhow, that's not the main problem. The main problem is... I have a feeling, some feeling that I really don't feel comfortable with.
Oscar's family is, how should I put it, like scrambled eggs? It looks nice, but everybody is separated. The father doesn't seem to care much about the family, he does care but not with his whole mighty heart. I bet he's fed up with his kids... The mother is the warrior of the family. She has so many things to take care of (they own a restaurant) she doesn't put much time in raising the kids anymore (they have 3 kids, my fiance, a sister and a little brother).
She used a lot of time to raise Oscar up since she had time in the beginning. I guess she hadn't opened her restaurant yet at that time. That's why the normal kid is Oscar heh. After that, she hasn't had time teaching life's morals and values to the little ones.
The sister is like the mother. Smart, clever and successful in life. At an extent though, since she's not very social especially with family members and she has anger management (I swear even I am afraid of her and I'm older).
The little brother is a complete A-hole. Sigh, I have no hopes for him. In the beginning when I heard all those legends about the brother, I thought to myself that the kid couldn't be that horrible! I thought that I could change him, but I guess I will always be naive. I did change him a little bit, but he's still the same egoistic brat that has no respect for anybody.
Well that's for the into. Anyways, the main point is that the mother likes me (what Oscar said!) but in the end she wants our marriage to be a secret for her family. Why? She has some pride, and feels shameful that her son isn't graduated from university and has no good job and he wants to marry. I guess he has no choice because... well marriage was a good option for me to come over to the West. But I don't want our marriage to be only a convenient tool between us. I didn't marry Oscar just because I want all those U.S. resident privileges... I also love him!
I guess she hasn't thought about that point, and yes people will always think about themselves first. The other main point is that Oscar has nothing to say. He's pretty easy going (so is his mother) and he didn't object to that thinking (secret marriage). I feel kinda sad about it... I mean, what's so secretive about our relationship. We love each other, we want people to know. Oh well, I guess what matters the most is we have a marriage certificate and the end. I can work, go to school and make a living.
Wait until her relatives ask why there's a woman living under their roof for so long.
"What a bitch! living under your roof for so long? Did she pay rent at least?"
"Oh, haha it's OK as long they love each other."
I doubt she will tell people we married in those kind of situations. Maybe in the end after we graduate and find a good job, she will finally and surprise people that we were already married, OR that we are going to get married.
Sigh, I have nobody to talk to about my feelings... I don't want my mother to feel bad for me and I am afraid my fiance will be mad or be in a difficult position after he learns about my feelings.
Heart's content... I really do like this blog's name.
I hope to have a... happy marriage. Once only in a lifetime hopefully.
No, my fiance loves me, I do feel secure,... do I?
My family knows already that I am going to move to the States and get married over there. We are going to hold a farewell/congratulations party and apparently my mother is going to pay. I do feel bad, since it's my wedding I should be the one paying along with my fiance, but sadly I don't have that much money to spend. But it's our last dinner, should I pay then? The total should be around a few hundreds of dollars... Anyhow, that's not the main problem. The main problem is... I have a feeling, some feeling that I really don't feel comfortable with.
Oscar's family is, how should I put it, like scrambled eggs? It looks nice, but everybody is separated. The father doesn't seem to care much about the family, he does care but not with his whole mighty heart. I bet he's fed up with his kids... The mother is the warrior of the family. She has so many things to take care of (they own a restaurant) she doesn't put much time in raising the kids anymore (they have 3 kids, my fiance, a sister and a little brother).
She used a lot of time to raise Oscar up since she had time in the beginning. I guess she hadn't opened her restaurant yet at that time. That's why the normal kid is Oscar heh. After that, she hasn't had time teaching life's morals and values to the little ones.
The sister is like the mother. Smart, clever and successful in life. At an extent though, since she's not very social especially with family members and she has anger management (I swear even I am afraid of her and I'm older).
The little brother is a complete A-hole. Sigh, I have no hopes for him. In the beginning when I heard all those legends about the brother, I thought to myself that the kid couldn't be that horrible! I thought that I could change him, but I guess I will always be naive. I did change him a little bit, but he's still the same egoistic brat that has no respect for anybody.
Well that's for the into. Anyways, the main point is that the mother likes me (what Oscar said!) but in the end she wants our marriage to be a secret for her family. Why? She has some pride, and feels shameful that her son isn't graduated from university and has no good job and he wants to marry. I guess he has no choice because... well marriage was a good option for me to come over to the West. But I don't want our marriage to be only a convenient tool between us. I didn't marry Oscar just because I want all those U.S. resident privileges... I also love him!
I guess she hasn't thought about that point, and yes people will always think about themselves first. The other main point is that Oscar has nothing to say. He's pretty easy going (so is his mother) and he didn't object to that thinking (secret marriage). I feel kinda sad about it... I mean, what's so secretive about our relationship. We love each other, we want people to know. Oh well, I guess what matters the most is we have a marriage certificate and the end. I can work, go to school and make a living.
Wait until her relatives ask why there's a woman living under their roof for so long.
"What a bitch! living under your roof for so long? Did she pay rent at least?"
"Oh, haha it's OK as long they love each other."
I doubt she will tell people we married in those kind of situations. Maybe in the end after we graduate and find a good job, she will finally and surprise people that we were already married, OR that we are going to get married.
Sigh, I have nobody to talk to about my feelings... I don't want my mother to feel bad for me and I am afraid my fiance will be mad or be in a difficult position after he learns about my feelings.
Heart's content... I really do like this blog's name.
I hope to have a... happy marriage. Once only in a lifetime hopefully.
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